"When the battle's lost and won." Second Witch, Macbeth

So, oddly enough, this is one of my favorite photos from my wedding. The dress had only been decided on moments before this photo was taken. And of all the forced photo's my average photographer took on my wedding day, this one still captures the absolute beauty of this dress (and perhaps myself as well). (Note, this photo was taken the day after Thanksgiving, hours after bowling, beer, and fries, and hours before second Thanksgiving dinner, I should not think myself so pretty in the photo, but if I'm honest, it's one of very few photos of myself I actually like).

I'm writing about this because I find myself in that funny place I mentioned last week. Finding peace in a life that feels slightly unbalanced. Ten minutes ago, I was working on my job search! I've been at the same job for 10 years, almost 11, closer to 11, le sigh. I feel like I missed my chance at growth by staying stagnant for as long as I did and now I'm both over-qualified and under-qualified to make the next leap. The only real option is a new career, but what would that new career even look like? (I"ll save that for another post.) My life exists at a fixed income that doesn't allow me to earn a penny less than I do at the current moment. When people tell you to explore while your young, why does it have to take becoming old to understand what that actually means?

It's like this photo. All the glory of the wedding day lives in anticipation and dreamy visions that began with this very dress. So many people told me to follow my instincts and make sure I had an amazing photographer, so I did what I always do, I didn't listen. I mean, I heard them. I understood the advice. In fact, I whole-heartedly agreed with the advice, and yet, when push came to photography ... I goofed it up.

This post isn't going to be all "I suck" though. There is a lesson here. And the lesson is this. 

We hear advice. We accept advice. We follow advice. And yet, just like Macbeth, in our urgency to heed great advice (or prophecies), we fulfill our destinies ... sometimes failing the advice and other times nailing the advice. Clearly Shakespeare understood this. 

We cannot be saved from our future mistakes, we can only grow from them, and truly allow them to guide us to our next future mistake, which may not be a mistake at all.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017, 11.04pm